Carnival of Fools
by Isabelle
Summary: Now that Chuck/Blair are a couple what type of typical daily activities do they engage in and how do the rest fare during their relationship? One-shot, slightly fluff.


**Title: Carnival of Fools**

Author: Isabelle

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own gossip girl or the characters.

Summary: Now that Chuck/Blair are a couple what type of typical daily activities do they engage in and how do the rest fare during their relationship?

Special thanks to Tati for her BETA & for all you who take time out to review. I really appreciate it!!

--

"What the _fuck_?"

She is perched by the bed, innocently flipping through her magazine, and spares him a nonchalant glace with raised eyebrows.

"Do you mind not cursing in my room?" She asks him innocently.

He stands up and begins shaking his hand in front of her face.

"What. Is. This?" He's hissing now.

She studies his hand after a five-second count. She wanted to look over that new Celine bag first.

"What?" She asks.

His face is red now, and she can see him shaking.

"My nails! Why are my nails pink, Blair?" He demands, already rubbing at the dry nail polish.

She rolls her eyes.

"I was bored, and you went to sleep," she explains, tossing the magazine on her bed and walking to her mirror.

"_Bored_?" He's aghast, looking at her like she's lost her head.

"Bored."

"Take it off, Blair. You've had your fun."

She studies his nails, inspecting them in her own small hands.

"Pink does suit you," she commented. He yanks his hands out of hers and glared.

"Take it off," he grinds out.

"I ran out of nail polish remover," she says and leans into kiss him as he stares at her, open-mouthed.

"Man, what the fuck happened to your hands?" Nate asks him a few hours later.

Chuck avoids his gaze as he pours himself more scotch.

"Blair," is the only word he says.

Nate bursts out laughing. "You know, I think there's this thing to remove it with."

Chuck slams the bottle down on the counter. "I know. She ran out."

"Why didn't you get some from Serena?" Nate inquires, inspecting his hand.

"I decided to scratch it off instead," he admitted.

"Yeah, that's going well," Nate tipped his drink. "Pink looks good on you."

--

"I hate the opera," he remarks as he studies the little pamphlet he's been given.

She sits elegantly on her velvet-lined chair. She's dressed in a green long Dior gown to rival any Oscar contender. He should know; he bought it for her. She smiled at the elder ladies that recognize her and makes idle chatter with the people in the box next to them.

"Chuck, do you know Madeline Vanderbilt?" she taps his knee with her gloved hand. His nostrils flare as he brings down the pamphlet. "Maddie, this is Charles Bass."

Blair looks at him expectantly.

'Maddie' looks nearly eighty and about to fall over the balcony. She's probably senile.

"Of course, Maddie!" He turns up the charm and Blair smiles, pleased. "We dated back in 1964. It was a grand year, no?" Blair's face falls and she panics.

"Oh, yes!" Maddie chuckles. She was also blind as a bat. "Charles, you charmer!"

Chuck leans in and kisses her hand. "You look just as stunning, Maddie."

Maddie nearly melts at his voice and compliments Blair on having such a charming boyfriend.

Blair turns to him once he's done smarming and Maddie has walked away.

"That was—"

"Shh – we're starting." He interrupts her, leaning back with a smirk and stretching his arm over the back of her chair.

She glares at him throughout the opera. During intermission, she pushes him into the deserted concierge area, pulls his bowtie and kisses him. They never make the second act.

--

"So," he begins, hands between his knees as he stares at her.

"So," she replies, texting away on her phone.

"How long?" He asks, bored already.

"A few hours," she snips. "We could play Parcheesi!"

He rolls his eyes and groans.

"If you're talking strip Parcheesi, then I'm game."

"Eww!" She kicks him. "I'm your sister! And I'm babysitting you!"

He crosses his hands over his chest. "What can she possibly be doing?"

Serena shrugs her shoulders.

"I don't believe you," Chuck snaps, now standing and pacing.

"Can you just be patient?" Serena tells him, closing her phone. "Plus, Dan will be here in a few minutes. We can all hang out."

Chuck glares at her and rolls his eyes. "Yipee."

3 hours later, Dan has beat all of them at Parcheesi. It's a stupid, pointless game if you ask Chuck.

"Can you just call her?" He finally demands of Serena.

Serena finally agrees, but her phone rings as she's about to give up on her babysitting duties.

"Finally!" Serena says into the phone. She turns to Chuck once she's hung up. "We're leaving."

She drags a confused Dan and gives him a small wave.

"Oh, and here," she pulls from her purse a red envelope.

He rips it open the moment they leave.

_Find me. Good luck._

_Clue #1: Where I dropped the chastity belt._

He smirks and can already feel a hard-on coming on . He grabs his coat as he stumbles to the limo.

By clue #13, he's annoyed, horny, and desperate.

It's been three hours and still the clues keep coming. No woman should be worth this trouble. He just had to find and fall in love with the one that is. Dammit.

He's standing on the helipad he once abandoned her at. A man in black hands him another red envelope.

_Clue #14 – Watch me dance on stage._

Jesus, this better be the last.

He makes it to Victrola and is suspicious when the whole place looks closed. It's a Thursday, and he should be making thousands of dollars. Apparently, he's producing no money.

He strides towards the place, hands in his pockets.

He uses his key to open it because it's locked.

Inside, no one is around.

There's a soft glow in the main area since candles are setting the atmosphere.

"Blair?" He calls out to the room, walking closer to his traditional seat.

There's a bottle of champagne ready for him. Champagne for one. And a bell.

_A bell_.

His mind races. He sits down, pouring himself some champagne and decides to ring the bell.

And it's instantaneous. The curtains are pulled back and there's a… cage.

Holy shit. He'll die happy now.

"_The French are glad to the die for love."_

He sat up when he heard Blair singing.

Oh. My. God.

His boner just got bigger.

"_They delight in fighting duels."_

Blair is slowly lowered from the ceiling in a giant swing and his jaw drops.

"_But I prefer a man who lives… and gives expensive… jewels."_

She is dressed in full Moulin Rouge regalia. Tiny corset, red lips, stockings, and high heels.

Her back is to him as her feet touch the floor.

"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental…" She tosses him her hat and her brown curls tumble down her back. The music pumps up and, from the wings of the stage, more dancers came out, dressed in black while Blair stands out in red. A few get in the cage and begin dancing behind Blair.

"But diamonds are a girl's best friend…" She is wearing the necklace he got her and he lets out a laugh as she does her little dance routine.

He watches as she reenacts the entire scene from Moulin Rogue. And to think he had hated the film when she made him watch it in the 8th grade. Hell, she could sob on his silk shirt once more if she liked.

She does her grand finish as she slides up to him and whispers huskily.

"I believe you were expecting me."

He has lost the power of speech.

She is stunning.

He looks at the dancers and snaps his fingers at them. They quickly make themselves scarce.

"You've been busy," He comments, sliding his finger down her corset.

From now on she should wear corsets and only corsets.

"You've been hard," she smirks and presses the palm of her hand against his groin.

The corset quickly comes off. And what is hotter than limo sex? Victrola sex by candlelight with his very own sparkling diamond.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Bass," she whispers to him when they are done.

He is pretty sure she isn't going to be able to top this one.

--

"Rule number one."

They sit looking at Serena. Like bad little children.

"There will be no making out at the lunch table," she explains patiently. "I need to be able to digest my organic salad."

His hand slides up Blair's little school girl uniform.

Blair blinks and nods to Serena.

His fingers slide between her legs, and she slowly opens her thighs for him.

"Rule number two," Serena continues with a patient Dan next to her studying his books. "There will be no innuendos."

She gives Chuck a particularly hard glare, but he is too busy rubbing his index finger against Blair's crotch. The panty hose… he hated panty hose.

_Rule number 3. No panty hose._

"Rule number three."

Blair lets out a tiny moan and quickly places her gloved hand over her mouth.

"No limo sex. We also use the limo and disinfectant doesn't fit into my clutch."

Chuck pouts a little.

Blair buckles slightly against his hand, and he smirks.

"What are you doing?" Serena demands, eyes narrowed.

Blair doesn't speak but looks at her guiltily.

"Oh my God!" Serena screeches.

"To be fair," Chuck pulls his hand out and looks innocent enough. "We didn't break any of the rules."

"New rule!" Serena exclaims, disgusted… and slightly jealous. "No nothing during any time any people are present!"

"He started it!" Blair says indignantly.

Chuck smirks, satisfied. "She finished it."

Serena smacks his head.

--

"I love you," he murmurs against her ear as she wriggles under him.

"Bass," she pleads.

He kisses her shoulder, and she smiles.

"You're being sweet," she remarks.

"I'm trying to be detailed here," he states, rather annoyed.

She takes his face in her hands and smirks. "Awww, baby!"

"I'm done being detailed," he growls. "And don't call me 'baby'."

"What are you going to do about it…" she looks at him seductively.

He is silent, eyes narrowing as her hips grind against him slowly.

"…baby?" she adds for emphasizes.

He contemplates for a moment.

"I might spank you."

Now it's her turn to narrow her eyes.

"You wouldn't dare."

"What's wrong, B?" Serena asks Blair the next day as she winces while sitting down.

"Nothing," Blair replies, avoiding her best friend's eyes.

"Why are we walking?" Nate complains to Chuck.

Chuck has a stony face on. "I don't feel like sitting down. A walk will do us good."

Nate glanced at him. He was limping a bit.

"Did you hurt your back?"

Chuck bristles.

--

"My feet hurt," she says as she places them on his chest.

She is pouting and using that voice. The 'I can manipulate you by being needy' voice.

He sets down his paper and takes off her shoes.

"You keep wearing these hooker heels and you'll end up with scoliosis."

She pushes her right foot against his chest.

He grabs it and massages her heel. She relaxes and moans in pleasure.

"You have small feet," he comments, kissing the smallest toe.

"I'm short," she explains, closing her eyes as he massages her foot.

"Want a cat?" he asks her out of the blue.

She opens one brown orb and studies him.

"A kitty?"

"Yes, a kitty."

"Ok."

He tosses her a stuffed cat he hid behind the couch. It lands on her chest and she sits up, startled.

"You jerk!" she throws it at him as he ducks and laughs.

--

"Tell him I'm not talking to him," Blair tells Serena.

Serena rolls her eyes and turns to Chuck.

"She's not talking to you."

Chuck glares at the brunette's back and grinds out, "Tell her I apologize."

"He apologizes."

"Tell him to burn in hell."

"Go to hell." Serena is glaring at them now.

"Tell her I waited for her last night," he shoves his hands in his pockets.

Serena lets out a loud sigh. "You heard him."

"I'm deaf from this ear," Blair states, studying her book.

"Blair!" Serena cries, throwing her hands in the air.

"Serena!" Blair yells.

"Fine! You know what? I'm not a texting system!"

The blonde stalks away.

Chuck shuffles his feet and glances at Blair, who quickly looks away.

"I said I was sorry," he mumbles.

Blair lifts her head ever so slightly.

"And?" she urges him.

His nostrils flare.

"I swear on my penis," he continues in a hushed tone. "That I will not let any other woman rub herself against me."

"You swear on your penis?" She repeats loudly and a couple of heads turn to listen to them.

He clenches his jaw.

"I can't hear you," she tells him.

"I do."

"You do what?" she asks innocently.

"I swear on my penis." He says, louder this time.

A few girls giggle and he ignores them.

"Ok," she finally smiled and hopped down from her step, going to his arms.

He holds her grudgingly.

"You're a good boyfriend," she whispers and kisses his cheek.

Her smell gets to him and he kisses the top of her head.

"You're a good slave driver."

--

"Just get them both," he says, bored as he sprawls out on the couch at the Gucci store.

The sales woman smiles and nods at Blair. Blair glares down and kicks him.

"Woman!" He hisses, massaging his shin.

"Pick one!" She demands.

The saleswoman sighs.

"Am I boring you?" Blair turns to the woman and demands.

"Of course not!" the woman says frantically.

"Yes you are, just get both coats!" Chuck grumbles. "I'm hungry."

"Chuck Bass," Blair's tone drops to the danger level. "If you don't tell me which color looks better, I will-"

"Excuse us," Chuck stands and glances at the saleswoman. The saleswoman quickly makes herself scarce.

His jaw twitches, and Blair's eyes harden.

He leans in.

"I want to go with you on nice walks around Central Park in the white one. I want you to show up to my suite wearing the red one…. and nothing else. So when I say 'get them both,' I mean it."

A smile slowly forms on her face.

She leans in and kisses him, wrapping both her arms around him and pulling him in. His hands bury themselves in her brown hair… but the loud growling of his stomach interrupts them.

She pulls back and looks at him. "Am I starving you, baby?"

He raised a brow at her. She pulled back and called the saleswoman back.

"I've decided to take them both. I'll leave with the white one on."

He picks up her purse and hands it to her.

"Socialista?" he asks.

"As you wish. You've been so very patient."

--

"I can't go," Chuck says, fixing his cufflinks as he stares at himself in the mirror.

Nate sighs, taking off his scarf.

"You said you would be able to go," Nate whines.

"I promised my father." Chuck, however, doesn't seem too heartbroken.

Nate studies him. "Are you taking Blair with you?"

Chuck nods, satisfied with his cufflink.

"You're ditching me for a girl?" Nate asks, incredulously.

"Watch it," Chuck smirks at him as he grabs his jacket. "That's _my_ girl you're talking about."

"Oh, man!"

Chuck's phone rings and he places it on speaker.

"You're late," Blair's voice says.

"I'll be on my way the moment Nathaniel stops whining." He glares at Nate.

"Nate, stop whining." Blair admonishes.

Nate rolled his eyes.

"We were supposed to meet some guys for poker." Nate retorts.

"Chuck doesn't gamble," Blair says and Chuck quickly takes her off speaker phone.

Nate lets out a bark of laughter.

"Will you just calm down?" Chuck hisses to the phone, attempting to cover up his conversation from Nate.

Nate studies his hunched-over position. The way he rubs his temples as he nods.

"I will. I'll be there in a few… ok… love you too."

Chuck hangs up and avoids looking at Nate.

"I'm late. I'm sorry about standing you up. but Blair's been helping Bart with the catering-"

"It's ok, man," Nate touches his shoulder, and Chuck looks at him.

Chuck nods and starts walking out.

"Hey," Nate calls after him. Chuck turns to look at him. "You're not doing so bad, you know. With the boyfriend thing."

--

"B?" Serena says quietly as she stares at the brunette, who was typing furiously on her laptop.

"I'm busy, Serena," Blair snaps at her, eyes glued to the screen.

"B… you don't look ok," Serena slides closer to her on the bed.

"We knew it had to come to an end, S. So, therefore, I'm fine," Blair says quietly in that Queen B personality that Serena despises.

"Fine."

"Fine."

Serena stands and studies the stuffed cat in the trash can. She sighs and pulls it out.

"You threw Kitty out?"

Blair glances at Serena and sighs when she sees Kitty in her hands.

"It's trash. I don't want it in my room."

"B, you loved Kitty!" Serena pleads.

"Serena! What part of 'we broke up' don't you get? Huh? The part where he cheated, or the part where I threw his things out the window?"

Serena hugs Kitty to her. "B, you guys are always fighting."

Blair ignores her and continues typing.

"He's wallowing. He sits in his room all day and drinks."

Blair perks up at this.

"I'm pretty sure he hasn't bathed. It's starting to smell."

Blair purses her lips.

"And I'm pretty sure that bitch did this on purpose to break you two up."

Blair's nostrils flare and she closes her laptop angrily.

"Then she succeeded!"

"Then why are you taking it out on him instead of getting even with her?"

Blair yanks Kitty from Serena's arms. "Because."

"Because you love him." Serena says.

"Out of all the men in the entire universe I had to go fall in love with Charles Bass. Dammit!"

--

When she entered his suite, he was asleep on the couch, an empty bottle of scotch in his hand. His clothes were all over the floor, and Serena was right: it smelled in here.

He had obviously been in a fight. His right eye was black and swollen and his lip had dried blood on it.

She sighed and shook her head. She took the bottle out of his hands, and he mumbled in his sleep.

She grabbed a few bottles that were scattered around the apartment and threw them in various trash cans.

She grabbed a glass of water and sat next to him.

"Chuck," she said, shaking him.

He mumbled some more.

"Wake up,." She dipped her fingers into the water and sprinkled the water on his face.

He blinked and sat up.

"Blair?" He asked hoarsely as he took her in.

"Let's get you to bed," she said quietly, taking his hand.

He followed her obediently and she climbed next to him, pulling his head down on her chest. His arms encircled her hips.

"Is this your sick way of saying goodbye?" He whispered.

She stroked his hair. He needed a bath.

"No."

"Then what is this?"

"It's a way of saying I believe you."

He turned his head to look at her and he reminded her of a little boy who had just been given hope. She combed his hair back, tucking bits behind his ear. He needed a haircut.

"You believe me?" He asked.

"Yes. And we need to annihilate the bitch. I couldn't very well do it without my plotting partner."

A slow smile formed on his face and he pulled up to kiss her. She grimaced.

"You smell," She said, and he chucked.

"I was depressed."

She let out a laugh. "Chuck Bass, depressed? Over a girl?"

"Not just_ any_ girl." He did kiss her. "_My_ girl."

--

The End

_Just some fluff._


End file.
